By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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