I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
