While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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