thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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