Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
