It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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