just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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