i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
