I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
