Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bring me that man meat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
