She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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