Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
