Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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