I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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