Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
