wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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