I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
