Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
