you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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