Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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