Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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