What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
