Duck Duck Cougar?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
