Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
