I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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