Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
