I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
