dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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