I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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