Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
