Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Houston, we have a squirter
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
