Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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