I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
