she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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