he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
