We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
