Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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