I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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