Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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