Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
