I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
