so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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