im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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