Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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