I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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