Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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