Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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