No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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