Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
