look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
