A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
