Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
