I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
