Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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