he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
