There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Enjoy the penises
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
