there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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