What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
