I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize