I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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