Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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