It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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