Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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