Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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