Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
