I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This toilet bowl is my home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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