I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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