If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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