I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
