areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
