Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
