ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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