Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
